Yeah, it's quite a hard subject. If I am stuck, I am stuck.

The pain of not knowing is one of the greatest of man. otherwise its just annoying. Maybe it's the amount of homework and the dissonance of being "good"? Yet sometimes struggling.

The dissonance that the top in math sometimes hate math (mostly homework)

Possible "are you joking" "You slacked off then" "Don't be lazy"
"So smart you shouldn't have to study" (contradiction with above)
"Just try harder" "Set realistic expectations"

Me: Hatred of math can still be a real opinion. What I feel is valid. Yet I still have internal conflict...