Repeated Deception to the Meaninglessness of Meaninglessness
You, once a little youngster, were deceived repeatedly by parents, teachers, and even friends that the world is “good” and “hopeful” and “grateful” and “happy”. You knew something was wrong, but your brain lacked the words to explain it, and even if you attempted to, your parents would maneuver you towards what they perceived as the “best” path until you eventually gave up arguing due to fatigue and guilt.
As the years passed, you slowly began to gain the intelligence to attempt to comprehend and deconstruct what those things really are. However, this is assuming they even mean anything at all, as in the fields of epistemology, such metaphysical ideas themselves are debated eternally… But do such ideas themselves matter? These ones may not mean anything but to trap a human in an eternal cycle again…
After wondering for a while, you switched to a less-abstract and more-so-practical standpoint. At a certain stage, you just wanted to feel empowered and informed with the honest truth of the civilization you were in, and you realized that there is no better way to compare than with the others of mankind itself, which blathers insignificant speech out of their foul mouths, wasting every bit of their time and energy on what they call “friends”, when they are simply not more than irrational pests of the infested Homo Sapiens species. A genus that became so “intelligent” that they rioted against their own kind, psychologically manipulate each other whom they call “friends” or “family” into tolerating their own foolishness at your own perceived gain of the illusion of connection, confirming that they are hit by a black fog that makes them a slave to their outdated organic traits.
Enslaved by the consequences human nature, societal “norms”, and outdated systems of law, the earthlings still hold doors for others, still get into “relationships” of which they later regret and despise thinking of, and still, even when doing a beneficial act to themselves is ideal, a shadowy impulse prevents them from reaching for what they perceive as “selfish”, unlike other animals that individualistically hunt for their own food and thus have figured it better than the troubled “social” humans.
You looked and wandered one day outside, assured of the meaninglessness of "purpose" in the first place, yet doing so, the same realms of the human species, but with a dissimilar perspective to your past self. After quite a long walk, you spot a woman with a Louis Vuitton handbag. You thought about whether it had a special purpose or not. Anxiety afflicts you, the agony of even thinking she was acting rationally. Obviously, you soon realized that such lavish displays of wealth don’t mean anything, especially if you have used up wealth just to show wealth… a paradoxical and illogical chain of thought that contradicts its very own nature. You started walking back home as there was little point in looking at such flawed animals anymore.
When you were walking back home, you walked in a very strange way, yet it was faster than what normal humans do. One stranger complained that you were acting too unusually, and that you should change to something more “accepted”. But you thought, wasn’t there something strange about such? Of the fact that most care for the reputation of the self, even to other irrational creatures cursed by ideas of their very own kind, and it is just adaptation; even if it is absurd adaptation, it is done.
Another stranger suggested to you that you should take a taxi back home, as it is already quite late into the night. However, you certainly did realize that such vehicles’ fees are expensive, so you rejected such a proposal. Your legs weren’t so tired after all, despite the time of day suggesting otherwise. After all, you rarely even do a bit of anything, if at all. You realized that the taxi company just wanted to profit from their irrational greed, so they were taking advantage of the fact that suggestions are rarely refused in such a direct manner. You continued to walk, instead of taking a vehicle, as you, again, you know, didn’t have much to do back home anyway to outweigh the catastrophic cash consumption.
Despite some sickening strings strangers said scatterbrainedly along the way, you were now back to where you started, your "origin," free from the irritancies of the irrational individuals, now that you were inside. In your room, you sat there inexpressively, your eyes looking all around the ravaged area. Though soon, you shall realize walking should be avoided too!
When it came time to eat, you would "devour" as negligently - or as "carelessly" - as possible, for no reason at all, even to the point where the entire area got dirty. Your childhood, teenage, and graduation photos, which were sitting at mere exposure to the dinner table, also got dirty from mere exposure to food. "These over-edited illusions aren't reality anyway."
What logical reason does caring have? What logical reason not to stop caring? You remember a light shining at you, but it was actually a blinding light from a machine that had no reason to exist, other than to make you remember how meaningless it is to remember the past. Yet you unconsciously were obligated to remember; the light made your eyes feel dizzy, especially with the demand of a fake smile. "Urgh! They will decay beyond my recognition, so I can be at peace naturally forgetting them over time... Yes."
And so the photos are ignored. You, being the man YOU SIMPLY ARE, where money expenditure is entirely purposeless, also haven't bought storage other than a floppy disk for 30 years. You heard of an alternative that accompanies the "beautiful" flow of time, yet to your living standards, even its mere existence ' was unsustainable. "Bye bye videos, you had no reason to eat away my storage... I never allowed you to exist in the first place!" Even after opposition from others, you still assure, the natural law of your beliefs simply dictates that you DO NOT UNDERSTAND HUMANITY AT ALL!
The mere futility of the past decays in your brain, but also physically!
But, you hated to recall, your irrational parents did somehow have an old MS-DOS game. Now, internal rational forces tell you not to play it anymore. It is all due to the basic law of humans: energy conservation. You consequently, of course, starting this moment were compelled to obey it all along!
Rather, you realize yet again how many merely pointless relationships you have to meticulously micro-manage your reputation and politeness of! Parents, teachers, "friends", "classmates"... The mere mental monologue... "No thanks!" You ponder why, somehow, out of pure miraculous chance, you actually bothered to deal with your species' chaotic nature until now! As if your brain gained anything out of it. And out of disbelief, you ignore every single last word out of their mouths, and this naturally includes the ones telling you not to do so! What societal propaganda even is the idea of socialization being beneficial? The sheer burden of walking is waking you up to realism! Obviously not!
Isolated, or more accurately, detached from the outside world's meaning, impulses of vacations, or even going out again! Even with the "convenience" of the digital age, you realize spending money to have access to the Internet is a form of greater inconvenience in itself; as per your previous idea, there is, and was, no social media at all for you!
Later, you hear an artificial intelligence, a piece of synthetic artistic talent, what should be the neutrality of all the humans that it demands you SHALL CARE FOR ONE LAST TIME, even if it is no more. (Your parents told you this, and you were surprised that you even reverted to your inferior past self for a moment.) In fact, for the first time in your life, you felt satisfied that it wished to discuss "unsafe" topics no more, but then a greater surge of dissatisfaction that it even had a value judgement of your neutral, natural, or what you perceive to be radically realist thoughts, to be unsafe and needing eradication!
The ink of there not even being a single way you can like things is scoured permanently into your psyche.
And so is the ink of books, which are written by the same irrational species that speaks meaningless small talk, and even corruptly charge money for such things! They are no more of your selective selection of your idealized perception of your reality.
An eternal conflict between psychological desires and energy conservation. For you, you realize, if nobody cares about you, to your piece of peace, there is no debate! Despite the fact you unwantedly recall yet again what others used to perceive of its nature, nothingness wins all the way!
Happiness itself is just one of those things you hallucinated! You have never "rationally" felt happiness once in your life! It is merely a trick to disguise you into thinking you should still be breathing!
And are you the God, good or evil, of your days? No! God is dead. The fact that you even have anything, that humanity has, makes you lose belief in God; is this not the nature that He, the Futile One, has planned in his mind? In fact, you instinctively affirm already that there is no "worth it". It is that there simply "IS" no God because of the fundamental conflict with the deceptions of mythologies of ideals that reality has stifled since your birth!
Speaking of birth, you realize, as to not include MORE suffering, you won't give birth to another child... if you even can... or assist in doing so! It is so against your ideals! Wouldn't an annihilated reality be... problem-free? By association too, marriage would waste your energy, as you are still inevitably singular on your beliefs of not wanting others!
And you realize too, arguing versus reality is pointless!
And you are committed! You suddenly know the fear of meaninglessness itself is pointless.
And you realize death is meaningless too... simply thinking about it, you acknowledge, if the realm of what remains after your inevitable fateful day is unintelligible, perhaps reality itself is unintelligible too!
But you do know one thing.
You do know the logical conclusion is that you are fulfilling the one condition for the "meaning" of “life” itself: survival.
And in the end, you become one of the most neutral and energy-efficient beings, but you acknowledge that, once again, unconsciously, you have become no better or smarter or more powerful than the humans around you. You lived by the path of least resistance, but at what cost- if cost means anything at all, and if meaninglessness even means anything at all.