Painful Parental PitySometimes parents just get too protective. They may also think to the point that they think their child can be free from problems, or solve issues they face on their own. After all, why not care for one's literal creation? In reality, there is no just world. Parent and child think this! Some things simply cannot reasonably be solved by a parent, or a child, at the very least, without even worse consequences for parent and child.
For instance, parents may not want their child to feel negative emotions. Like reality is reality... Ignorance is propaganda, not bliss... humans sometimes hate things, otherwise it would be absurd... But then, thinking of hate: isn't being ignorant worse? Because one would have to suppress their natural mind just to satisfy. Schools bring about stress, even when students try to fight for it. Detachment may be bliss, but it's hard to do so when one of the child's closest beings constantly "blames for" (or wants to fix) things that he or she does not care about enough to fix, and then this contributes to the societal bias that children hate their parents. In reality, this coping mechanism of the child, or the parent, isn't necessarily even wrong... Rather, for things that would naturally bring about hatred, it is super-duper ridiculously hard to suppress psychology, or biology, let alone turn it into genuine "positivity" for a prolonged period (and media bias of which this era of children and parent both see, occurs again, showing short periods of happiness when in reality it's not natural)
Alternatively, it can be about sleep. Especially for teenagers, they tend to sleep later, which is BACKED UP by science. Yet some keep telling the child. We all know who the enemy is: School. School is guilty. Children suffer. Having the victim do things is unfair, and quite frantically, almost too effortful. (If you DID faithfully manage to take care of your sleep in your teenage years, please feel free to email me about your experience)
Logically, the best thing to do for the child, and possibly the parent just to detach... According to stoicism, virtue only shines in things that one can control. Yet for most, it is hard not to feel a sense of responsibility, let alone to accept inherent truths for what they are. Not only does the child try to solve inherently unsolvable problems, but then parents may also tell him to do the same, leading to the perception that the child just isn't "trying hard enough!" This causes even more pain... Not Hating School is Not Possible! Humans are conscious and love autonomy; the antithesis of freedom is the antithesis of a life with pleasure.
If a parent really wanted a child not to think about something anymore that causes even more stress, they should do the most obvious thing: stop blaming the child or talking to them about the topic, especially if they have already claimed that their advice can barely help them out! Yet few do that. Humans inherently repeat topics over and over unconsciously. Constantly trying to reinforce how helpless the child is, against problems that 1. he did not cause, 2. are almost unsolvable, only brings about bad.
For instance, some parents may have an unconscious attitude to interrupt. In fact, a child may have too. However, for such deep thoughts, there may be times when thought is necessary. Parents love to fill the silence. The child reminds the parent over and over. Parents remind the child over and over. Both sides think that it's not worth changing the fact that humans psychologically love to do that, or blaming, every time? They don't want to feel bad, but they do. Physical communication does have its difficulties, especially with a power imbalance, especially if lots of words are necessary to explain, which, unlike reading words off a screen, cannot be re-read and take longer, thus making them harder to remember.
Parents keep saying they love their child. Yet, sometimes, this can put even more pressure. And yet both sides have their best intentions, and then somehow end up hating each other, despite paradoxically still being reliant on each other! For instance, for a parent blaming the child for feeling negatively about school, the parent may say he's not blaming, yet the child already knows, perhaps even more than the parent, what it's like to lose all freedom at school. Child and parent don't want to feel bad, again, but they do to nature! The enemy is, though not physical, an abstract system, yet someone brings about as much harm as a slave master!! Tragically, parents want to fix their children, but seeing how depressed some older children really are, can it really be done through respectful speech? Statistically, even if all the advice in the world were given, for some things, little can be done. Yet feeling bad implies falsely that something wrong happened. It is pitiful.
The damage of school, of parenting, already existed. Resistance to problems, the idea that there can be none, is a greater problem in itself. There will inevitably be problems, and there will inherently be periods where the child appears to be more stressed than normal, yet in such a case, parents will remember the most intense periods, and not the average situation in which the teenager is remarkably resilient to the effects of school, society, the loneliness epidemic, and the downsides of parenting, virtually not having them impact his normal life that much.
This is indeed what it is. However, let it be known, fault is a subjective matter. I think for this, neither side has its fault, but this is not an implication that this problem does not need to be solved. I would also like to say that parents often are very successful people, because otherwise there would be no money to have a child. In doing so, especially with the passage of time, parents may, if not intentionally, they would certainly naturally, forget how boring the prison of school is. Children and teenagers may be conditioned to think that parents, teachers, authority, they hold the ultimate truth. But not really. They wish for control and the status quo. Especially since "stranger danger" and the death of third spaces, they rarely hear from elsewhere.
There is still value in knowing what reality is, for the parent, for the child though. Because otherwise, there would be even more doubt, and even more propaganda spreading throughout society, of which parent and child is a subset of them. There is great power in knowing. Being blasted with advice from the child, though, if it is seen that it doesn't appear to help, one may have to let human nature be what it is. Some causes may be rapid societal evolution outpacing Darwinism. Paradoxically, this could make the child feel even worse, the parent too, with the life-hacks and general knowledge on social media, in a good way, information, experience, and skills spread better, but not being actualized may actually make the person feel worse, like wasted potential. Even if the cause is obvious: lack of freedom at school for the child; lack of freedom at work for the parent. Yet, the parent is obviously the more developed one, which has dealt with this for so long. They think that they can transfer their brain. Unfortunately, not possible... It was already the case that such painful parental pities occur from the start.
False expectations... False sense of power of parent and child, false sense of influence, of what we call "advice"...
It can turn into brainwashing where neither the parent nor the child is doing well enough.
An enemy, yet invisible, parent and child hate to admit exists, yet this can be the case, because the whole concept of what I just wrote is really abstract in its inherent nature, even more so to the child... Yet its existence is absolute, at least given the circumstances.
Trying to overcome it for the child
by nature, a parent, yet thinking nature can be overcome
is futility, both from the child's and parents' eyes
and then a feedback
that it still needs to be solved...
a problem-solving cycle, endless,
yet unconsciously done,
yet logically still exists...
to be continued indefinitely...
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