I’m quite sure many people have often blamed their problems unconsciously on somebody else. The response is that the other person will try to convince them they aren’t involved. To me though, that is just solely shifting the unholy blame onto someone else.
Do you realise, if you had the power as an actual human being on this planet, you could have caused change, in such a way as to fix your issues? And yet, some people will naturally think wrongly that others are their enemies, that they did something wrong and sabotaged their hopes and dreams.
To that, I will say, it’s all your fault. All the conflict belongs within you. If other people are causing you pain, being your enemies, guess what? You can eliminate their presence, mentally. Act like they aren’t affecting you at all. Act like they are far away from you. Then, why do you still feel the pressure? It’s evident that it’s all because of you yourself. You are the effector of the cause, and you are also the receptor of the consequences.
Your issues are often holding you back from your full potential. Other people are irrelevant in affecting your goals, whether negatively or positively, as they cannot help your intrinsic motivation, only harm it. Not that I am saying to neglect your sanity, of course, since there is certainly a point where you feel burnt out. I’m just saying to not pressure others with your faults, since they can’t solve them for you.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Neither am I trying to be mean. It’s just the reality of human nature trying to minimize their own faults.
If you want to feel better about overcoming challenges, you have to accept, most of them are made by you. The pain and suffering is an effect of your dedication. You have the choice to not face it. And it’s your freedom to make your own choices. Having the courage and bravery to acknowledge this will help you immensely. You are your greatest enemy.
Now for me, my choices, they’re disastrous.
It is impulsively doing actions that I’ll regret later.
It is overthinking about things that are straightforward.
It is filtering all feedback, even the good ones.
If I had the choice to rebirth, I would have already done so long ago. From the beginning, I knew there was something wrong with me. And other people trying to constantly tell me this fact, it does not help at all. Far from it. It keeps me worried all day about external factors, people like my “loved ones”, that I have no control over.
Not being able to talk properly with other people, not being able to focus… But it’s all me to blame, in the end. Medical diagnosis of disorders are made because of my problems, and they are not a causation of my problems. Thus, I am the problem. Not anything else.
Over the years, especially recently, I’ve somewhat developed a resistance to them. However, they will surely still exist, until the end of my time. It’s all my fault that I don’t let others understand that I have them, and it’s still my fault that I cannot adapt to having them for so long, and just use them as an excuse to misbehave.
I'm constantly grinding and failing. The cause is likely due to a reduced ability to concentrate compared to other neurotypical people.
I’m too bad to go to university.
I’m too sad to be happy about myself.
I’m too scared to try new things.
Notice how it’s all me, and only on me.
I’m stuck the way I am.
My personality from birth sticks with me.
Everything is determined to be a disaster by me.
If I went to bed, I wouldn’t mind if I woke up as another human being.
But there is nothing at all I can do to change my identity.
Me trying to please others,
Me trying to please myself,
Me trying to please all my desires,
It caused everything about me to spiral downhill.
Especially when I neglected my life in its entirety at one point to make others feel better.
I am sabotaging myself.
And apathetic me does not know that this is what is happening.
I left them to grow unawarely in my head for a long time like a cancer cell.
If I was normal, I could have figured these problems out a long time ago.
But I am not. I am an idiotic, arrogant, disrespectful, lazy, cowardly, impatient, impulsive, antisocial, disorganized, reckless human being.
The fact that I am who I am since I exited the womb gives me problems.
And that is why considering all this, I am completely convinced it is me and only me which is the greatest problem of my potential, the limiting factor of my immense possibilities, basically shutting all of them down.